If your goal is being able to set a boundary without guilt, that’s a great goal! Spoiler alert, though: it’s a goal that probably won’t be met the first time you give it a go. Which is very normal.
Probably, you’ll have to go through a few steps. Maybe…
- think through areas of life where you *want* to set a boundary or change how you interact with someone.
- Then, you might talk with a good friend (or therapist!) about it, maybe strategize or practice how you want to say it. You may want to decide whether you’d rather bring it up ahead of time, or you might prefer to wait until the situation presents itself and then set the boundary.
- Either way, the next step is probably going to be something like half-assing a boundary, then caving out of guilt (whether self-imposed, or offered to you from the other person). This is normal, and doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries. It means that YOU TRIED THE THING. AND YOU DIDN’T DIE.
- You’ll probably later try a boundary again, and feel reeeeaaalllllllyyyyyy guilty — but you’ll hold it. You’ll have *done it*.
you’ll set a boundary, and not feel guilty.
You will have set a boundary without feeling guilty.